The Van Courts: Married to my Roommate

As boyfriend and girlfriend... life couldn't have been better... and being engaged to this amazing man that was totally flawless was a dream come true... and the wedding... well, we all know what a fabulous fairy tale that was (my dad still might not know the final price of the fairy tale he paid for... oops!) but no one... not one person could ever possibly prepare me for marriage. No one could prepare me for the ups and downs, good days and bad days... the harvests... or that big move to Salina. I distinctly remember Phillip and I having a conversation, pre wedding, about how rude we thought it was for people to say to him "oh... you're getting the ol ball and chain, are ya?" Or just negative comments regarding marriage in general... we swore we would NEVER be those people. Well... just as the old saying goes... never say never :)

I think that in our short 3 1/2 years of marriage... we've already learned so much. Mostly... we've learned... that this IS NOT easy. Not quite the fairy tale I had envisioned, where I have my perfectly home cooked meal waiting on my immaculately clean table as my husband walks through the door with a handful of roses exactly at 6 pm every night and he whisks me off of my feet with a big kiss and an "I've missed you so much" line. Instead... my perfect meal is usually a crumbled up mess that was supposed to be meatloaf... that is now meat crumble... the kitchen is a mess (because I tend to be a sloppy cook) and he's just barely coming through the door at a quarter till 8, and often times, we live, merely as roommates. It's certainly not a fairy tale... and it absolutely is hard. But we both agree that we had great influences growing up. Both sets of my parents clearly loved one another more than anything else, they respected one another and never once raised their voices at one another in front of me. I can't ever remember seeing my parents "fight". And I'm nearly certain that no one could ever get Steve upset (he's the most patient man I've ever met!).

We also have received professional counseling, from Heather. It's certainly not that we have any major life issues... its really just the every day disagreements that she helps us to see from different perspectives.

Now... all of that said. I have the best marriage and life partner I could ever hope for. He loves me unconditionally and his ambition (that truly is bittersweet... bitter because it drives him to be at the office more... but sweet because we are able to reap the rewards of his hard work and celebrate with him, he often says it would all be worth nothing to him if he didn't have Callie, Sneebie and I to share it all with) is something I admire so much. We have said over and over again that we simply couldn't do life without each other... and I think Aunt Laura Alley's quote of "marriage is a give and take, sometimes you will carry the 70% of the relationship... and other times you will be the one to carry only the 30%" has stuck with us (ok, she definitely says it more eloquently than I just quoted her as saying!). It's so true, there were many times when I was pregnant and too sick to get off of the couch (or off of the bathroom floor) to do anything... and he stepped up to do the laundry, cleaning and chores. Then other times (harvest) it's all he can do to make it home to shower before he collapses into bed from exhaustion to catch a couple hours of sleep before he starts the day over again. We simply couldn't do it without each other. And right now... we are certainly on top of one of those marriage peaks and we're so blessed to be on each others team.

While he may not bring home those said roses... he does do little things that lets me know he loves me and chooses me first... like at the K-State football game, when he was in charge of deciding what snacks would be in the clubhouse, and he chose the delicious sugar cookies... just for me. Or how for the Scoular Christmas party this year... he chose to have the dinner catered from one of our favorite restaurants (because I had previously mentioned to him how poor I thought the meals had been). Then, just last night, he drew me a bath and put a glass of my favorite sparkling wine next to the tub so I could relax after Callie went down, while he finished cleaning my mess of a kitchen.

I am absolutely blessed. Our God is an amazing God... and it's easy to see why He chose Phillip for me.

So I'm sorry this one is a long, mushy one... but I got to thinking, after my girls night out, and we spent time together talking about how on Earth did these men survive before they met us... about what a great guy I have. I love my Phillip David.

The beautiful ring Phillip designed, had personally made, and hand chose each of the diamonds for.
(I recently broke two prongs on my center diamond -- eeks!-- and it was gone for a month being repaired... when I got it back... I remembered how amazing of a piece it is! I love it, not only because it's gorgeous, but because every time I look at it, it reminds me of the commitment I made to my husband.)